Going with the Flow – Colorado Mamas Share Their River Stories

What the river teaches us about ourselves and our children

by Lisa Blake

When I married a river-soaked, pony-tailed, PFD-tan-lined whitewater raft guide — now a high school principal — 11 years ago, I had no idea the river would teach us our most valued parenting lessons. We’ve held river time close to our souls as we embarked on parenthood, teaching our toddler river safety, potty training from the boat’s bow, battling sunburn and bug bites while welcoming Paco pad power naps under makeshift umbrellas — all perfectly messy and magical.

From the Arkansas to the Salmon to the Rogue and the Snake, we’ve witnessed our first-timer 18-month-old boater sprout into a capable nine-year-old, loading and unloading the raft, reading water and rowing waves, setting up camp, unplugging and hearing us and, as we’d hoped, mirroring our love and respect for the river.

When I started canvasing Colorado mamas for their favorite river stories, I was met with enthusiasm, nostalgia and a common thread that appeared in a yearning to bottle up and pass down river lessons learned and earned as a family.

Colorado mamas share the rewards and pearls of wisdom that emerge from time on the water. These are their tales. And my inspiration.

Celebrating the Gifts

Summit County mom Jen McAtamney was introduced to the river by her husband, who passed away suddenly last year at age 61. She remembers taking their girls on the Colorado River when they were just two and four (they’re now 21 and 24 and guiding their own river trips).

“We were hooked,” Jen says. “The opportunity to be in such exquisite wilderness where there’s such inherent danger and a rhythm in which you have to live is something special. It’s always been a space for us as a family to unplug.” In the wake of her husband’s passing, the river called to her and, teaming up with rafting family friends, Jen and her girls stacked, towed and guided two boats down the river. “It was in celebration of all it had given us over the years,” she says.

Jen’s tip for multi-day trips with young kids: Bring prizes and hand them out as reward for collecting the most micro trash as families pack up camp each day.

Getting Back to Basics

For Anna Marie Murrell, river time brings a priceless period of no phones, no iPads and — here’s the kicker — no complaints of boredom. The mother of two boys says after ingraining river safety, the next family float priority is to make it entertaining and engaging, noting the smiles that spread when moms see kids creating stick castles and giant sleeping pad water slides.

“It’s been really fun over the years watching them go from taking naps on the boat in the afternoon to rowing the boat completely on their own,” she says. “Which has also allowed us to take more toys, such as paddle boards and duckies.”

Anna Marie’s tip: Give kids jobs. Helping cook dinner, build a fire or do dishes makes them feel like part of the collective river family. “It always seems kind of crazy how they love to do the dishes on the river, but not so much at home,” she laughs.

Close Calls and Bucket List Trips

Katie Girtman and her husband Victor worked for Inland Drifters in Carbondale in the early 90s, raising their daughter Brandi in canoes and kayaks on the Colorado, Roaring Fork and Crystal rivers. Swim lessons were mandatory for Brandi before she was even walking and river safety checklists were the pre-launch norm. Practicing the river safety position (if you fall in, keep your head up, feet down river) helped Brandi get to shore during a canoe flip in Cemetery Rapid on the Roaring Fork when she was eight.

“The current was super strong that day and the water levels were higher than normal,” Katie says. “They flipped the canoe on a rock and our friend panicked and grabbed onto our daughter. Brandi kicked him off and got in river position like we had taught her. It was scary for all of us. But she learned at a young age about how to handle a situation like this. Which helped for many more raft trips to come.”

Brandi is now 35 and the family is grateful to check off lifetime river experiences together. In 2014, they enjoyed a 28-day Grand Canyon trip. “When Brandi got back, her boyfriend missed her so much he proposed to her as soon as she returned. And now they are married!” Katie says.

Katie’s top tip: Never skip the river safety talk. Teach your kids how to stay calm and self-rescue.

Disconnecting to Reconnect

Single mother Courtney Despos has been a fly fishing guide for the last 10 years. As one of the first female row guides in Colorado, she remembers taking her four-year-old son (now 14) on fishing trips, keeping him occupied throwing rocks and building sand castles while she squeezed in that crucial mom mental health time.

“It’s a balance between getting him outside and exposing him to the outdoors and making sure I was taking care of myself,” she says. Today, it’s their bonding time away from electronics and a way for them to be in the moment together.

“Our kids are growing up in such a go-go-go world. You have to build in that disconnect time or they won’t have it,” Courtney says. “On the river, without to-do lists and social media, I can see the stress and anxiety leave him, physically. It’s so amazing to watch.”

Courtney’s river mom tip: Make traditions that your kids will cherish and remember. She and her son raft the Upper Colorado River every year, stopping on their favorite beach to write his name and the year in the sand and snap a pic. “Every year, he’s asking when we are going to go get that picture,” she says. “He has an attachment to that moment, to that tradition.”

Canyon Magic and Lifelong Stewardship

Durango mom Ashleigh Tucker ensured all of her kids were on the river by four months old. The mother of three kids, ages 9 months, 6 years and 8 years, loves to share the environmental and educational side of rafting, venturing into canyons and pointing out various birds — seeing who can spot the first great blue heron (the infamous GBH).

“The river is a magical place to share with our children,” Ashleigh says. “We are creating future river stewards while enjoying the canyon walls and all that it offers. This is where I met my husband and I have so much love for the river and being able to check out of life for a few days and enjoy it.”

Ashleigh’s river tip: Add a splash of education. Teach littles about the importance of leaving a place better than when you arrived.

Days on the river close with nights tucking in stronger, wilder children, kids that are more in tune with the Earth. They’re writing their own river stories. As mothers, we’re here to hand them the oars (and the snacks while we slather on the sunscreen, of course).

As a closing note, we wanted to include this poem by Ellen Titensor about her Father. It is beautiful.

I Wonder If He Knew

By Ellen Titensor

So many years ago, when I was just 16 and he gave me that boat, how it would shape the woman I would become…sparking confidence which grew to competence, revealing courage and capacity, and teaching me to be smarter than the rest because I wouldn’t be stronger.

I wonder if he knew…

…all of the fantastical places with fantastical names it would take me…places like Cowpie, Tootsie Roll, Big Kahuna, Lunchcounter, Hell’s Half Mile, Rattlesnake Cave, Disaster Falls, Moonshine, Warm Springs, Double Drop, Ladle, Little Niagra, Westwater, Mishawaka, Pineview, Royal Gorge, Pinball, Zume Flume, Widowmaker, Quartzite, Desolation, Hell’s Canyon, Wild Sheep, Green Room, and Trespass Flats (if you know, you know)…

…and all of the even more fantastical people we would meet along the way who would forever change my life.

I wonder if he knew…

…that I would fall in love on that boat. She would be the ultimate test of any interested suitor and would reveal to me the man who would win my heart.

I wonder if he knew…

…that I would raise, with the help of that boat, 5 children who are brave enough to do hard things, can bait and set a hook, read a current, swim a rapid, kayak and row class IV rapids, spot a hydraulic, catch an eddy, use a groover, pitch a tent in under 3 minutes, cook over charcoal, manage cold feet, withstand snowstorms and sandstorms, row against the wind, work as a team, stand accountable for mistakes and learn from them, value experiences more than things, and cheer each other on…

…and that they would raise his great-grandchildren to do the same.

I wonder if he knew…

…just how devastating it would feel the day I watched that boat exhale a deafening, final breath on the river… how it would drop me to my knees to see the end of that gift of 32 years…how my heartbreak would be so much more about gratitude than it was about grief.

I wonder if he knew.